John Carter Movie Review

So yesterday was my birthday. Birthdays when you are 33 aren’t the same spectacle as when you’re twenty-0ne or twenty-two. There were no shots and no keg stands, and my clothes stayed on until about 10:00pm at which time I changed into my Star Wars “jammie pants”.

I did pick dinner. A New York Strip, baked potato and some veggies to keep the wife happy. Then we played “Last Night On Earth” a zombie board game that has been sitting in the closest just waiting to played. I really enjoyed the game, but then I got to control the zombies, and who doesn’t want to send a dozen slobbering zombies on a mission to kill the heroes.

And finally we watched John Carter. Now it dawns on me that I haven’t done a movie review in quite a while so here we go.

John Carter

As I said above, it was my birthday, so the movie choice was all mine. I almost went with the new Sherlock Holmes movie but I know I will be seeing that one at work pretty soon, and I thought Taylor Kitsch did a good job in Friday Night Lights. Plus it was my birthday, a time to revel in my inner geektatude, so sci-fi was the obvious choice. I would like to mention that I have never read the original material so I really have no opinion on how close this is to the original.

PLOT

Transplanted to Mars, a Civil War vet discovers a lush planet inhabited by 12-foot tall barbarians. Finding himself a prisoner of these creatures, he escapes, only to encounter a princess who is in desperate need of a savior ~ IMDB

IMBD doesn’t mention the fact that the civil war vet gains super powers while on Mars (the one thing I wished they explained better). At least I would call them super powers, he is super strong, agile and can jump over tall buildings in a single bound. Hmmm… that reminds me of something but what?

Anyway traveling to a strange land, and somehow becoming super powerful is a mainstay of classic sci-fi/fantasy, so the plot was a little hokey, but it was old school sci-fi hokey and I was totally entertained by the movie. I did know how the movie ended waaaay before the end. Grade: B+

DIRECTING/SPECIAL EFFECTS

I thought the directing of this movie was good. It can’t be easy filming all the live action stuff so that the computer stuff works with it. There were a few times when the effects looked a little fake but all in all good job filming and some really nice special effects. Also Woola, the weird super fast alien dog was one of my favorite characters. Though I do have to say Mars looks a lot like the planet Jabba-the-Hut was from. Grade: B+

ACTING

Taylor Kitsch was a very believable displaced civil war vet. I thought he did a descent job all around. Mark strong was a good villain, and Lynn Collins also put in a solid performance. I can’t say that anybody had a stand out performance, but every did their job. Grade: B+

Overall Grade: B+

Summary: John Carter was one of my favorite movies I have seen this year, and is my favorite action movie of the year. I really enjoyed the whole thing, however I do think they could have cut about twenty minutes and made it a much stronger movie, but otherwise I would definitely recommend seeing this one. Below is a picture of Woola, the crazy alien dog thing, and my favorite character in the movie. Below the pic I am going to briefly talk about my favorite scene from the movie, this will contain spoilers. If this bothers you STOP reading now.

What to do at 32?

I need to “figure out what I want to do this weekend” for my birthday, or so my wife tells me. My birthdays isn’t until Tuesday but I am working on Tuesday. I am turning 32 and I told my wife that I wanted to do something. Deciding what is harder than I thought it would be.

Thirty years ago it was easy. Someone else did all the planning. I got lots of presents and from the photographs I seriously enjoyed my birthday. Like really, really enjoyed it. In one picture I seem to be trying to become one with the birthday cake and have my head buried in it. But no one is going to plan my birthday for me, and I really shouldn’t eat that many sweets. I am on a low carb diet.

Twenty years ago it would have been simple too. Pizza and a movie. Simple. Easy. Either renting them or actually going. Google tells me that summer had some good ones. Terminator 2, Robin Hood the Prince of Thieves. But the low carb diet nixes the pizza, and as you can see from my last post I just went and saw the only movie at the theatre that I wanted to see. And Netflix has made going to the movie rental place pointless.

Don’t even get me started on ten years ago. A case of beer and a pack of cigarettes would have been all I needed. But I have quit smoking since then and the drunken debauchery of my early twenties sounds exhausting. I have no desire to wake up in a lilac bush wondering where my pants went. I would need at least three days of vacation time just to recover.

So that leaves me with very few options. I could head up to the local Indian casino. As a member of the players club I get $20 in free gaming. But I am a little casinoed out. We went to Deadwood at the beginning of May and there is only so much time I want to spend watching my money disappear with nothing to show for it.

A few years ago I bought a video game and had a few friends over to play it with me and my wife. That was kind of fun. Maybe I could do that. Only minus the friends (they left town) and the rum and coke (rum gives me a stomach ache).

Geez…see the problem? Anyone out there have any ideas?